It's late Sunday night. I should probably be in bed, because the morning is coming whether I'm ready or not. Today we woke up to howling wind and blowing snow. All plans for the day were canceled, so back to bed we went and lay there like lazy louses until nearly noon! Now I'm wide awake and raring to go, but the seemingly impossible has happened, and every bit of my medical transcription work is done. I feel so at loose ends without any work hanging over my head! It seems so hard to just stay home, relax, and not get anything accomplished. Why is that? I should at least be cleaning something, or cooking something, or washing something, don't you think? As Barry and I relaxed over coffee, we talked about how hard it is just to stay home and do nothing. I loved it, but it was hard for me!
I want to learn to be still and know that God is God, be quiet long enough to actually hear some of His thoughts. I want to acknowledge Him as the leader and then learn how to follow. I want to understand His plan when he derails my train and puts a barrier across my comfortable little rut. No! I want to have confidence in His promise that everything will work out for our good, even when I don't understand His plan at all!
But there is so much that just must get done! There are the ever-present work deadlines, Coral needs constant care, others are depending on me for so much, my house needs cleaning, I just HAVE to fit in some exercise... I can't possibly get it all done if I am not busy every minute. I just don't know if I am up to it anymore.
Part of a verse memorized years ago is whispering: "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." --Isaiah 30:15
14 comments:
Now the "lazy louse" phrase got me chuckling! Was that one a Mama original or did it just evolve somewhere along the way!
Just shaking my head as I read! It sounds like we suffer from the same malady of having a challenge to get it all done just to have to start doing it all over again!
Even though it has indeed "added" to what I do, this is why I enjoy blogging! I have settled down now to a very FEW that I read and I do it through bloglines so that I don't have to go browsing to see who has updated! Then I chuckle over the comments, leave my own two-cents worth and smile that I have had great entertainment and not had to go to the mall to find it!
Queen Esther will rise up one day, tall and straight, walking regally in stunning, royal garb and bless her Mama for all those years of lovin'! You just wait and see, girl!
You make me cry, Carol-Ann, but they are the good tears! Yes, she will rise up--TALL AND STRAIGHT! I think we need to write another verse to "What A Day That Will Be!"
My spellchecker understood "louses" so I don't know whose word it is! I do remember hearing Mum say it, though!
Here I am blogging, and right now down at the bottom of my screen I see the new email files coming in...1, 2, 3, 4,....16! Ha ha! New sound files which are my doc's patient dictation for today. Part of my stress has been getting him set up to do this over the internet. He sent the first group this morning, and I successfully returned them all typed and ready to print just after lunch. So now I can start all over again!
I tend to think most of the female human race (at least those over 40) suffer from the same things. We simply don't know what to do unless we're doing something. "Relax" needs to be defined and thus far I've not found it's clear meaning.
"Rest" is another word that seems to elude my thinking ... how do I do that and not feel guilty? One thing I've learned is when I end up sick I will painfully rest ... don't have much a choice then 'cause this body refuses to let me walk more than 10 feet on those days.
Seems to me that if I could just learn to balance things I'd be much better off. And then remind myself God doesn't really NEED me to 'do' anything. It's in my frail human nature to think I 'have' to make my lists and cross off all the things I've done in a day.
May we learn from Him and from one another. We're all in this boat called Life and need all the help and encouragement we can get.
Thanks for this throught provoking post my friend.
Blessings to you.
Oh, Louise, I could've written that line...how do I rest and not feel guilty? I'm sure I would have been like Martha, resenting my sister Mary for sitting talking to Jesus. How could she "relax" and "rest" with so much to be done for the company! And surely Jesus would have been on my side and told her to get busy!
I think you may be right that this is a feeling we share with many other women our age. The truth is that except for our willingness to never rest, our homes would not be as restful for the rest of the family. It is so hard to have a balance on this, and I'm beginning to recognize it.
Not too long ago I was "whumping" around the house (there's a Mama term, for sure!) feeling a bit out of sorts because I was the only one who appeared to be "accomplishing" anything. I later had to apologize for that! But also, during said "whumping," a little voice prompted me to be thankful. And I found that I could be thankful for so much that my irritation faded right away... I have exhibit A with me all the time, my daughter who cannot physically begin to do any of the things she would love to be able to do, and yet there is no complaining. Why, then, should I complain because I am able to do all the chores? I have so much still to learn...
Both of you--Carol-Ann and Louise--are such an encouragement to me, and I appreciate it!
"whumping"!!!
That surely is a "mama-ism"!
Set me in right good humour, that did!
Yup, Louise -- that's what happens ... we end up sick and then we painfully rest!
"Whumping" just automatically came to my mind, C-A! I know it was buried there in my youth and has been trying to rise up ever since! It gives you a clear picture of what I was doing, doesn't it?! Every motion a bit too quick, every task a bit too noisy!!
I had never heard of 'whumping' but once I read your last entry I knew just what it was ... putting on a good, pitiful show so anyone and everyone would know that "I" was the one working! Oh how I've done that in my life. Oh how sorry I need to be that I did. Do. Still. Sometimes.
Of course with it being just me & my husband now, he simply turns my theatrics off and continues reading his book or magazine. My stage-worthy 'whumping' doesn't affect him at all.
How do men do that? How do they ignore our exasperated expressions and not feel bad that they do? I think we could learn from 'em if we'd allow ourselves to do so.
Whumping. I like that term!
Ha ha, Louise! Welcome to the "we make up words that sound right" club! You have understood "whumping" exactly right and have described it to a T! I don't know how men ignore these things. Well, I don't think they always do, but for some reason they don't seem very emotionally affected by our out-of-sortedness as we might be were the tables turned.
I think that after 30 years of marriage, Barry's ear is probably tuned pretty well to pick up on what is going on in our kitchen. He's watching TV and he hears one kitchen cabinet door close a bit loudly. Hmm...possible accident. Second time...hmm, maybe something is up. Third time...I better go help! Ha ha! So there he will be to do what he feels he can, maybe help put dishes away or something. But he remains so supportive and nonjudgmental, which is where I would fall flat on my face if the tables were turned!
This morning after I got Coral out the door (a bit later than usual as some more snow made her pickup van late), I realized that as we had breakfast before starting work, I was thinking of everything just a bit differently mostly because of our conversation here and also because of your blog entry about husbands and wives, Louise.
I am thankful for friends (and that means sisters, too) who encourage my thoughts in a godly direction. I need all the help I can get!
You'll be please, I hope, to know I haven't whumped once today. I've also been workin' real hard at being the wife my husband deserves, even if he has ignored my whumping. Of course, I'm not even a week into it, so hopefully I'll improve as I go along.
Doing it the Lord's way instead of mine is difficult but so worth it. I so want the Lord to say "well done" when I get Home.
I am thankful my post about husbands & wives has helped. I hesitated to even write it but thought if I can't be real in what I write, why bother? I've lived in shadows far too long.
Blessings to you & Carol-Ann.
I AM pleased to hear of your success today, Louise! I'm remembering to pray for you, and I hope you will for me, too.
For me, some things seem to be habits I should get into (or out of). Other things are deeper -- basic attitudes that need changing, like thinking of myself first.
I don't know if this is good or bad, but I've never been able to do a lot of scheming to get my own way. I'm too much right out there, I guess, and it never even occurs to me to do that! I probably couldn't do a convincing job of it, anyway! Giving my honest opinion while gracefully and respectfully deferring to my husband's opinion and leadership is definitely hard for me and where I need the Lord's help.
The older I get, the more I appreciate honesty, openness, and being "real," as you mentioned.
Blessings on you, too, Louise!
My little handie is on my mouth! I've been sitting here gasping with laughter as I read Louise's take on "whumping" and realizing, with glee and shock, just how accurately she has summed it up!
So why is my hand on my mouth -- oh, just nibbling my nails, I guess! Hmph! WHY is it so easy to "Whump!"
Yes, Carol-Ann! Louise has "whumping" all figured out! I'm about to add that word into my spellchecker!
My whumping is full of self-righteousness, I have to confess, and full of thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think. There is not a bit of servant's heart in it at all.
Hi Jeanette,
Just read your post on my blog .. thank you for writing. I would be interested in reading Miss Flint's poetry. We learn much by what we go through in this life, don't we? We have choices to make along the way and those choices reflect where our faith lies. I've leanred to take what comes with the knowledge my Father knows what He is doing and that He is completely trustworthy.
It's not always been this way, I used to fight tooth & nail, trying to get God to 'heal' me ... now realizing He already had. In spite of all the health issues, healing was already mine. Not in the way I expected it to be ... I'm far from free of health problems, but, as I say on my blog, "I've learned to cherish the cross that shapes my character".
There's so much I could tell you about my life, perhaps I shall do that, one post at a time and let you know more about your 'neighbor' who is as close as your computer.
Blessings to you my friend.
Louise
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